Monthly Archives: December 2012

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Just got this Email, merry Christmas!

Got this the other day and it was too good not to share.

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones

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Dear Timmy,

Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus

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Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,
Tim Jones

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Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve you social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,
S Claus

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Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

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Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on
one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? “He sees
you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your sh*t wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re a** and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy
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Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

Timmy

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Timmy,

That’s what I thought, you little bastard.

Santa —

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For the Victims Of the School Shooting last Friday

I don’t use this space so much to promote my Scent-Sations business, and this isn’t so much doing that either, but I’d appreciate it if you’d give this a read.

Scent-Sations has released a memorial candle in memory of those effected by the tragedy in Connecticut this past Friday. All profits from this candle, meaning everything beyond manufacturing costs, go directly to the families. I and other Scent-Sations reps aren’t making a cent from the sale of these candles. Please visit my Scent-Sations page and choose “Shop now”, then “Specialty Collection”. You’ll see the candle listed as “Memorial”, the last one on the page. $25, plus $5.95 flat rate shipping anywhere in the US, $9.95 anywhere in Canada. Shipping flat rate no matter how much you purchase at one time.

One of the things I think is so fantastic about this company is that they donate generously to lots of worthwhile charities and causes, and I can think of none better than this one. Please enjoy a memorial candle and light it in memory of the 20 kids and 6 teachers whose lives were so brutally cut short. And please tell your friends. Thank you.

In part, here is the Email from the president of the company about this candle:

We have a very special announcement for you today. Please read this entire email!
As you most likely know, Scent-Sations has been donating significant sums of money to various charities over the years. These include Childrens Miracle Network, Make A Wish Foundation, Susan G. Komen For The Cure as well as various military organizations and families.
Our ability to make a difference and donate to various organizations could not happen without all of you.
We are asking for your help once again.
The terrible, senseless tragedy involving the mass murder of both children and adults in Newtown, Connecticut last Friday stunned the nation. Every parent and grandparent, aunt and uncle, brother and sister watched the news in disbelief. The act of a lone, deranged individual turned a tranquil elementary school into a scene out of a horror movie.
This has caused Scent-Sations to once again rise to the occasion and do our best with your help to make a difference.
Over the last few days, we have been working with our suppliers, our printer and several organizations that have been created in Connecticut to make a positive difference through massive action. With your help, we can be a beacon of (candle!) light and hope to those affected.
Starting today we are selling a special “In Memory Of candle to honor the memory of those who had their lives came to an abrupt and tragic end last Friday, December 14, 2012. This 16oz Limited Edition Jar candle shown below features white wax, a spring floral scent and a special label created by Lowell, our printer to honor the victims. The image on the label gives me chills, and I’m sure it will also make an impression on you. The tagline “A brief time in our arms…Forever in our hearts” is a powerful reminder of just how fragile life can be. It chokes me up just thinking about it…but we just don’t have to think about it – we can all DO something about it!
All proceeds will be donated to the families of those affected. Price of the candle is $24.95 and shipping is a flat $5.95 (US) or $9.95 (Canada) regardless of quantity ordered. Note that there is NO commissionable value on this product and NO retail profits since we are donating ALL the profits and just covering our manufacturing costs. Help us get the word out so we can all work to make a difference. This candle is on sale as of today – Wednesday, December 19, 2012. A nationwide press release will be going out tomorrow.
Here it is…
Memorial Candle

Let us never forget the innocence of the children and the bravery of the adults who gave their lives to protect the children as best they could.
Please get the word out to everyone you know, both online and offline and ask them to help us support those affected by this heinous act of random evil.
To all of you in the Scent-Sations family, we wish you peace and comfort during these trying times. Our hearts and prayers go out to the victims, their families, relatives and friends.
All the best to you and yours,
The entire staff of Scent-Sations, Inc.
Bobby, Charlie, Carmen & Lynn
Customer Service / Information Technology Shipping / Manufacturing
Robert Scocozzo
Mia Bella Gourmet Products