Today was another turning point in my life with Karl.
This is the day that I've been secretly dreading.
Today, I'm starting to think about Karl's retirement.
Sure, it's been somewhere in the back of my head now for ages, but always in the back, always far off, always someday. Now, it is, I'm afraid, someday soon.
I was thinking on my way to work that I wished that it had happened a bit more gradually...and then I thought, "How much more gradually do you want? Never isn't a realistic option."
But the writing's been on the wall for some few weeks. Karl's been slowing down and just hasn't been as enthusiastic about going lately. He's started sneaking up to get the harness on, not walking up and ready to go as he usually is...but sneaking stealthily up beside me, barely at heel, not quite at heel even. His pace has slowed--especially on the way home. And what was the turning point? Today, he just laid there and didn't come until we called him three times. True, he did do this once--after Melanie and I had our big public wedding (that is, the second one), but that was just plain worn out. This was not...at least, not that kind, as we hadn't done anything yet. This had happened--but not to this extent--recently as well, when Karl was on some allergy meds. Can't chalk it up to the meds today though.
And so, we went to work...slowly, Karl's work as precise as ever, if slower and, it seemed to me, a bit half-hearted. Whether it's because he's just not into it or because he feels he's not up to it now, I don't know. He's been to the vet's and we haven't nailed down the source of this urinary infection, although it seems to be improving. But I don't get the feeling he's uncomfortable, but I've never been the sharpest knife in the drawer, either. Anyway, so we walked to work, while I reflected on what this would mean...and coming to grips with the fact that this retirement thing is going to happen.
And I think, why?! Karl's not that old, he's eight. Sure, he's well on into middle age, but why now? I guess I'd think "Why now" whenever it happened though, wouldn't I? I guess...why not now? After all, during the over six years we've been together, Karl's life has been through several fairly major upheavals. College, moving to Dallas (first with friends in Dallas, then on our own), moving again into a house with my now wife and two more cats than he was used to--two cats who were not initially dog-friendly at that. Then another move a couple years later--not such a big deal. Two jobs and over a year of unemployment, and during that, a move across the country, stays with two different people, then two different hotels, and finally the real move...that's about six months of no real home base for Karl to identify with...and now, a job again and a very irregular routine, if you can call a changing schedule with wacky hours a routine. That's a lot. And through all that, one constant was Karl. Steady and solid as a rock, his loyalty never waivered. So what more do I want? I mean, besides for Karl to go on endlessly forever. He's given me the best he's got, and then some more besides. And I'm lucky that he has. Heck, I've had Karl a long time...thank God for that. And thank God we are in a position to keep him as a pet...Melanie's at home now, ad we've got the room.
But is he really retiring? I guess it's up to him. If he wants to go and work, he can. If he doesn't, I sure won't force the issue. He deserves better than that, and he'll get it.
As much as retirement has been in the back of my mind, did I ever think I'd be writing this? Do any of us ever think we'll be writing this stuff? I think maybe we know it but don't actually believe it until it smacks us upside the head. At least...that's how I feel right this minute. ... Like I've been hit upside the head.
Many of you have followed me from pre-dog through right this minute. Maybe we haven't always seen eye to eye on things. But I appreciate everyone's support and encouragement. I think that it is in part to you that Karl and I have worked together so long and so well.
Will I get another dog? I don't know. Maybe I will. Maybe not. Certainly I won't be applying to any schools tomorrow. I can't think about it right now. This is enough.
Thanks again. I'd better stop now. ...