Dear Verizon: Piss off…

It’s so nice to know that the edge Plan from Verizon Wireless is so customer friendly. Except not really. Maybe I’m just special.

To begin, in November, I noticed my iPhone 5S had a manufacturing defect, so I called apple to have it replaced. This Apple did, with no trouble or fuss, even having the phone active on my Verizon account without me having to do anything to make it work, apart from restoring from my iCloud backup.

Fast forward to iPhone 6 time. I was able to upgrade on the Edge plan, except I got a warning that my phone wasn’t the one that they’d sent me. I explained to the sales agent that this was true, and it was true because the phone had been replaced by Apple. That didn’t seem to be a problem with anyone, and the sales guy put my order through, and I received my iPhone 6 on release day, as expected.

When I received it, I very carefully packaged the iPhone 5S and sent it back to Verizon, as directed, with the provided label. I received the new iPhone 6 on a Friday, and the 5S went into Monday’s mail. I can’t really think how it could have been done in a more timely fashion.

Imagine my surprise, therefore, when I received An Email like the following Email on Sunday, 29th September. Twice:

verizon
Please return your previous device.
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Shop Support My Verizon

Please return your device.

For wireless number ending in 0962

Hi CLYDE,

You were recently sent a new device as part of the Edge Up program. When performing an Edge Up, you must return your existing device in good working condition.

Since we haven’t received your existing device, a fee equal to the remaining balance due under your Verizon Edge Retail Installment Sale Agreement has been applied to your account.

If you return your existing device immediately, we will credit the amount of the fee to your account.

View Return Instructions

Please disregard this message if you’ve already returned your previous device. You will receive confirmation of your return within 2 days of receipt at Verizon Wireless.
Thank you for choosing Verizon Wireless.

Previous Device Information:

Device ID Number:
357989051615436

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© 2014 Verizon Wireless

Verizon Wireless | One Verizon Way | Mail Code: 180WVB | Basking Ridge, NJ 07920

ID: 85458.4.0-F69661A7-DC43-B257-236E-AC0EAD96F440

Of course, I ignored it as instructed.

A couple days later, the post office’s web site showed that Verizon received my phone, and I thought everything was taken care of. Until I got a package a week later. The package contained an iPhone 5S. It contained my iPhone 5S. It still had the glass screen protector, but not the SIM card anymore, and Voiceover was still on.

I called customer service to ask what the deal was. Valerie didn’t know. There didn’t seem to be any record. I was able to read the slip in the box though, and, as I’d feared, the problem was that the phone’s ID didn’t match the one they shipped me when I started my plan. I explained the situation again. Valerie said she’d research and get back with me on that Friday, that would be the 10th of October. This she did, and again said that the ID’s didn’t match.

After about an hour with her on the previous Wednesday, after which I thought things should be resolved, I was starting to get angry. I told Valerie that I did what I was supposed to have, that I wouldn’t have been able to have used this phone if it wasn’t registered to Verizon’s network, and the fact that they didn’t have a record of this phone that was used on their network for the past 10 months sounded like poor record keeping. It was, in short, their problem, not mine, and they needed to fix it. Valerie assured me that they’d work it out, and she ordered the materials to ship the phone back.

Great!

Then I received the same “We didn’t receive your phone” Email on the 11th. OK, ignored, I’ve done my part.

Two weeks later, the 24th, I still hadn’t received envelope or label from Verizon, so I called again. Jolene was sympathetic. Jolene ordered new shipping materials to be sent, and she’d follow up with me on Wednesday, today.

She did. I didn’t. That is, she ordered more stuff. I didn’t receive it.

But I did receive, just now, the Email that they didn’t receive my phone. Again. This time, with no notice that they’d remove the charge if they received my phone, but both Jolene and Valerie said that they’d be sure I had it removed once this was resolved. Given the third round of “We didn’t receive your phone” Emails, I’m very, very skeptical.

I responded to Verizon’s Email thus:

Per discussions with Verizon customer service, I have returned the iPhone 5S in my possession. It was returned to me as not being the same device, which it isn’t, because it was replaced through Apple. That this replacement device isn’t properly documented isn’t my problem, it’s yours. That you haven’t received my device is, also, not my problem, it’s yours. Again, per discussions with customer service, I was supposed to have received shipping materials to ship (a second time) this iPhone back to you. I have not yet received these shipping materials. Not after two requests and nearly 21 days. Be assured that I will not be paying the balance applied to my account for the iPhone 5S that I have already attempted to return. I have fulfilled my end of this process. I intend to do so a second time. Picking up your end is not my problem, it’s yours.

Jolene says she’ll call me again Friday to see if I’ve gotten the shipping materials again. Whether I have or whether I haven’t, I’m not paying them a dime of the $374 and change they say I owe them. I’ve held up my end. They need to hold up theirs.